The circle

Ivan de Monbrison

The face is placed upside down on a corner of the table and you spill ink on a sheet of paper you would like to say something but you can no longer speak any language you are sitting mute without a name there is also near to the sheet an ashtray full of cigarette butts and a deck of cards turned upside down you turn one card right side up it’s the queen of hearts then another it’s the queen of spades this time there is also a heart  still beating and torn from your chest and left in the pocket of the shirt that you are wearing now and this heart is totally covering you up with blood yesterday you went for a bit of a walk in the old downtown area that you know so well it has a lot changed over the years the faces seated on the terraces are no longer quite the same as before but the young people still laugh as they used to drinking alcohol wasting their time their faces are all different and yet they all resemble each other in all sorts of ways all these individuals all the women all the men are only one in fact unique and anonymous today there is in front of you in addition to the deck of cards a cup of coffee placed on the table right next to the ashtray and the card of the ace of spades turns over by itself and that of the two of clubs also today you have some heartburns in your belly due to smoking too much and you have painted a canvas all in black you don’t speak with anbody anymore and you no longer have a name of your own you have turned bald and you keep telling yourself that you should change all of your teeth three times a day at least and change also once a week your head and once a month your face yesterday in the street you saw on a sidewalk death walking between the tables of the cafe terraces where young people were seated and by this beautiful late afternoon you saw her staring at them smiling and counting them all with her fingertips one by one as they keep laughing and exchanging among themselves meaningless and trivial words  on the boulevard the cars went speeding up noisily and the young people as they laugh keep showing their white teeth to each others and their words are nothing more than unintelligible sounds as if they had once again turned into the animals that they have never really stopped being as if they were removing this false skin made of clothes and their shoes too and all this while still mechanically bringing their lips to the brim of the glasses filled with alcohol most of the time some smoking cigarettes too with the smoke coming out of their mouths and death passes between the tables and carefully observing them, one after the other, but they do not see it

photo Harry Rajchgot